


Sudden Boldness

by OfTheAshTree62



Category: Bleach
Genre: First Time, Fluff and Smut, Love, M/M, RenByaRen, Switching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:00:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26665573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OfTheAshTree62/pseuds/OfTheAshTree62
Summary: When sleep deprivation has Renji insisting that Byakuya get some rest, the idea of dragging his Captain to bed ends up too much for either of them to resist. RenxBya Yaoi! First attempt at a lemon.
Relationships: Abarai Renji/Kuchiki Byakuya
Comments: 20
Kudos: 49





	1. Sleep Deprivation

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SesshomaruFreak](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SesshomaruFreak/gifts).



> Okay, this is my very first lemon, guys! Also, I haven't done much yaoi work, so I hope I did all of this justice. I was intent to jump out of my comfort zone with the support and enthusiasm of a friend.

Renji sighed, dropping his chin in his palm as he stared at the daunting pile of papers on his desk. The sun had long set, and he found himself pressing the heel of his hand into his eye to keep from falling asleep. The flickering of the candle on his desk did nothing to help his drowsiness, and he found himself dozing off to the dancing shadow of his hand on the wood grain.

“You may go, Lieutenant. Get some rest,” his captain spoke quietly. Renji looked to the noble’s desk, wondering when on earth he started caring about his wellbeing. He had been slammed with an absolutely ridiculous amount of work that week, and the emotionless man hadn’t even given him a sideways glance.

“Nah, I’ve just got these left,” he insisted, pulling the next one from the stack. Suddenly, pale, tekko-laden hands were on his desk, and his captain’s face was only inches from his. If that didn’t snap Renji into awareness, nothing was going to. He jerked back, eyes wide as Byakuya leaned over to give the Lieutenant an all-too-close view of his severe slate-colored gaze.

“I said to leave. Do I need to give you an order?” the older man practically growled. The tone in his voice made a shiver run down Renji’s spine. His superior was so close he could easily detect the sweet sakura aroma that seemed to be imbedded in his skin. He had to fight the urge to inhale deeply and drown in cherry blossoms.

“N-No, sir,” he stuttered instead. He pushed his chair back, wincing at the grating sound of the legs of the chair on the floor. Byakuya straightened before him as Renji stood, adjusting his haori as he turned to go back to his desk. Renji slowly stepped to the exit, but looked back guiltily before opening the door. The shadows under his captain’s eyes stained his porcelain skin, and it made Renji’s heart skip. He always hated it when he looked like that. Bone tired, but unwilling to abandon his duties. “What about you, Captain?” he dared to ask. His breath hitched in his throat and his heart stopped when Byakuya looked up to him. There was poorly disguised exhaustion behind the irritation he tried to pull to the surface.

“I’m fine, Renji,” he insisted, his eyes dropping back to the papers before him. Renji smiled. He was unsure whether it was sudden boldness, sleep deprivation, or a combination of the two, but he sauntered across the room to prop the heels of his hands on Byakuya’s desk, looking down to him.

“I know that’s a lie,” he accused. Byakuya froze, and it was like his hands went numb in the middle of a signature. He didn’t dare look up. Fatigue was setting in, and he knew it was difficult to mask his emotions in such a state. But when Renji’s insistence continued, one hand shifting to slide the paper from in front of him, he shot a deadly glare up to his subordinate.

“What exactly do you think you’re doing?” he demanded. His tone didn’t come across quite as deadpan as he intended, and he saw Renji’s lip quirk up into a smirk at his slip.

“If you can make sure I get some sleep, I can do the same for you, right? I mean, you can’t very well lead the division in this condition,” Renji continued to say brave, completely stupid things he would have kept to himself under normal circumstances. But it was like his voice had a mind of its own.

Byakuya had a mental stutter at that. He shook his head, raven hair falling into his eyes with the motion. He swept it out of the way and reached for the paper Renji had stolen. However, a rough hand caught his, and he swore his heart stopped completely. Not only had he imagined one day Renji would grow this bold, he wished for it. Frequently. It had to be a dream. That was the only realistic explanation.

Renji was amazed that his hand hadn’t been sliced off yet. His captain was just staring at his hand, closed tightly around thin, graceful fingers.

“Please let go,” Byakuya spoke quietly, knowing that his voice was sure to betray him. Renji gave his hand a squeeze, bringing his forcedly hard stare up to him. The noble swore his heart was going to explode. His eyes unintentionally scanned Renji’s face, taking particular focus to the tattoos that reached beyond his bandana and the collar of his shihakusho.

“I’m not letting go until you let me take you to your quarters,” Renji insisted. Whatever had possessed his captain, he was going to fully enjoy it as much as he could. This would likely be the only time he would ever actually be touching him without risking his life. As much as he wanted to take things a step - okay, several steps - further, he knew to be grateful for what he got. If holding his hand and dragging him to bed was the best he was offered, he would take it and treasure that memory for the rest of his life.

The thought of Renji dragging him to bed was what made Byakuya’s throat clench, heat spreading through his body at an alarming rate. No. This couldn’t happen. Not in front of him. He tried to snatch his hand from Renji’s grip, thinking of anything _but_ how incredibly surreal it would be for the Lieutenant’s strong arms to settle him onto his plush mattress. But Renji held firm.

“Nope. I’m not letting you go on this one. You’re going to bed,” he said. He rounded the desk, keeping his hold on Byakuya’s hand as he did, and pulled the older man from his chair. Byakuya had no choice but to obey, and he was aptly mortified when his knees buckled under his own weight, weak from both lack of sleep and his body’s infernal reaction toward the man next to him.

“I apologize,” he muttered hurriedly. But Renji only tightened his grip on his hand and strung his other arm around the smaller man’s waist.

“More tired than you thought, huh?” he said with a light chuckle. The comment was really meant to mask his own complete disbelief at what was happening. The man he had been admiring from afar was currently slumping into his side, his lack of strength the perfect opportunity for Renji to sneak a few sweet moments with him. He supported him all the way to Byakuya’s attached quarters and attempted to help Byakuya to his bed. But he stumbled a bit when his superior wound his arms around his neck and pulled him down over him. He narrowly avoided impaling his captain’s leg with his knee, which he slid to rest between the older man’s thighs just before putting his weight down to catch himself with his hands on either side of Byakuya’s head.

“Stay with me, Renji,” Byakuya seemed to beg. Renji’s eyes widened when he felt blood rush to an area that he would rather not be noticed when hovering above his captain so provocatively.

At this point, Byakuya was absolutely certain he was dreaming. In fact, he’d had this exact fantasy before. It had to be his mind playing tricks on him. But he didn’t mind at the moment. The warmth that flooded his body and made his hands tingle was pleasant enough to override his inhibitions.

“Captain, I--” Renji tried to protest, fearing that Byakuya would surely regret what would happen if he let him have his way with him.

“Don’t speak, Renji. Just tell me to stop if you’re uncomfortable,” he pressed. He waited for Renji to nod before curling lithe fingers behind the Lieutenant’s neck and pulling him down, their lips meeting and causing an explosion of sparks to run through Renji’s veins.

Heat rose to his cheeks, and he froze for a moment, trying to fathom how in the world it got this far so fast. He had never even told the captain of his admiration, yet there they were. Lips locked together in a passionate display that Byakuya deepened with a tilt of his head. Renji felt Byakuya’s hand creep higher until it reached the tie that held his hair back. With a gentle pull, it was removed, and Byakuya fought back a moan when the red mane fell around the Lieutenant’s shoulders and tickled the sensitive flesh of his neck. Renji pulled back, trying to control his breathing and the raging desire that so cursed him. He was sure any minute the man under him was going to come to his senses and push him off.

“Captain, really, I don’t want to insult you, but… are you sure you’re in your right mind to be doing this right now?” he asked, his voice a bit strained. He didn’t _want_ to give the man any reason to reject him, but he also didn’t want to take advantage of some circumstantial sleep deprivation. Byakuya only stared at him for a moment, and Renji felt his arousal building impossibly more when he was offered a tame smile. The mask was broken. Byakuya was so relaxed that it made him want to wrap his arms around him and hold him forever. He never thought the noble could be more handsome, but that small grin was better than he could have ever imagined.

“I’m sure, Renji. I’m not as tired as you may think. But, if you don’t like where this is going, we can stop, and you can go to your quarters,” he offered. Renji’s face flushed, and he shook his head briskly.

“No, no, I do. I’ve been… I mean, I do like it. I just didn’t know… do you really?” he stumbled over his words, not even realizing that he had barely formed a coherent thought.

“Renji, I have dreamed of this, quite literally, for years. Your dedication to me is second to none. You respect me to the highest degree, and for that you have earned my admiration,” Byakuya admitted. Renji’s breath caught in his throat. He honestly couldn’t believe what he was hearing. In only a moment, he was upon his captain again, capturing his lips for a moment before moving down to the exposed skin of his neck.

Byakuya let out an involuntary moan when Renji let his tongue wander along his throat, and the sensual sound caused Renji to growl in response, hardly able to contain himself. “Renji, wait,” Byakuya stopped him for a moment, pressing his hands to the larger man’s chest.

Renji took the cue to sit up, cursing himself internally. He had blown it. He shouldn’t have come on so strong. However, when Byakuya slid off the bed and began removing clothes, he swallowed hard and bit his lip. First came the haori, but the slow pace at which Byakuya was untying the sash at his waist had Renji getting up and pushing his hands away, taking the tie and swiftly removing it, pushing back the black fabric and depriving Byakuya’s entire form of clothing. Byakuya shivered when an admiring hand ran from his shoulder, down his back to his waist, gently holding pressure on his pliable skin all the way down and pressing him against Renji’s shihakusho. The taller man bent to near his lips to Byakuya’s ear, and his breath ghosting across his skin was warm against the chill of the room.

“You’re gorgeous, Captain,” he whispered. The words caused a soft sigh to exit Byakuya’s lips. Renji let his superior lean against him for a moment, his hands wandering along smooth porcelain skin. Even the thought that this was happening seemed impossible. Byakuya Kuchiki had his head rested on his shoulder, and Renji was memorizing every muscle and curve of his body with meticulous care. When Byakuya’s arms wrapped around him, holding him close with a deep, contented breath, Renji returned the embrace, burying his face in Byakuya’s hair and taking in the scent that had only tempted him earlier. He felt Byakuya’s hands wandering, reaching up to slide the top of his shihakusho from his shoulder. Renji shifted only enough to help a bit, letting the top drape around his waist and revealing his chiseled upper body.

Byakuya’s eyes wandered the tattoos on Renji’s chest before his hands were brave enough to act. Although, he had to admit, he was already as exposed to his Lieutenant as he could be, so there was no reason to be embarrassed by his desires. So, he moved a hand from Renji’s back to his chest, tracing the jagged design all the way down to his waist.

“You, too, are beautiful, Renji,” he said, his compliment catching in his throat a bit as he spoke it. They were words he had been itching to say for goodness knows how long, and now that he had the opportunity, his apprehension was going to get the best of him. It seemed that all of the boldness that had started this only minutes ago had vanished. Perhaps reality was setting in. This certainly wasn’t a dream. Instead of trying to speak again, he let his body communicate. He created a miniscule amount of space between them and wrenched the tie from Renji’s pants, letting them fall. Renji froze, not expecting such a sudden action. They were so close, their bare bodies almost touching. He could actually feel Byakuya’s heat, but he didn’t dare make the first move.

“How… how far are you wanting this to go, Captain?” he asked. He could barely breathe, and he almost lost his sanity entirely when the raven-haired man wrapped an arm around his waist and forced their bodies together. He hissed with pleasure, his eyes closing without his consent.

“I believe we’re past using titles at this point. Call me by my name,” he instructed. The distraction was enough that Renji could comfortably open his eyes to look down to his captain. The sincere lust in his gaze as he stared up to him made another throbbing wave of pleasure rush him. He had to calm down, or he wasn’t even going to get an answer to his question. So, he occupied himself with his almost-lover’s hair. He reached up to take the kenseikan from their place, and Byakuya didn’t protest as he slid them out of his hair and carefully reached around to place them on the bedside table. With the dark, silky hair freed from its confines, Renji proceeded to run his fingers through it, relishing the smooth texture with a smile immovable on his lips.

“That’s better, Byakuya,” he spoke quietly. Just having that name touch his lips was a pleasure he never thought he would be allowed.

Byakuya felt his muscles tense at the use of his name, pleased and not at all surprised that Renji’s voice still held the same reverence and admiration as if he was calling him by his rank. The man was amazing, and Byakuya was intent to show him just how much he appreciated him.

“To answer your previous question, I am willing to go all the way with you tonight,” he finally replied, intentionally keeping eye contact with Renji to judge his reaction to the decision. Renji’s grasp around the slim, perfect body in his arms tightened, and Byakuya felt his need twitch against his hip.

“No way,” Renji breathed, legitimately in disbelief. He buried his hand in midnight locks and cradled the back of Byakuya’s head in his hand protectively, holding the man against him as though he would disappear if he let go. Byakuya’s hands ran over Renji’s back, his thin fingers investigating every tense muscle under the smooth, tanned skin. The older man shifted a bit, positioning himself so that the backs of his legs were against the bed.

“Take me, Renji,” he told the fiery redhead. Renji groaned just at his words, his hips moving of their own accord and pressing into the Captain. Regaining his bearings, he gently lowered Byakuya to the bed. Byakuya felt the hair on his arms stand on end, electricity seeming to run through his veins at the sight of his strong Lieutenant again crouched over him with subdued, but still feral, intensity in his eyes as he traced his every feature. Renji’s touch was surprisingly gentle when he brought a hand to Byakuya’s cheek, lowering his face to press his lips to his forehead, his unoccupied cheek, the tip of his nose, and finally his jawbone.

“I just can’t get over how damn beautiful you are,” he whispered, his enraptured gaze locked on Byakuya’s steely eyes. Byakuya smiled, and the softness of the expression almost made Renji come undone. “Have you… done this before?” he asked, clearing his mind for the moment. Byakuya’s eyes wandered to the tattoos on Renji’s neck, and Renji couldn’t help but chuckle when a light blush touched pale cheeks.

“It has been a very long time,” Byakuya admitted. But the vagueness of the response spurred more questioning.

“I mean this, with a man. That’s what you mean, right?” he clarified. Byakuya felt his face heating up even more, and he cast Renji a halfhearted glare.

“Yes, Renji. Clearly, if I am in this position with you, I have some attraction toward men. I’m not exactly young. I’ve had my share of experiences,” he defended himself, flustered by having to explain himself. Renji felt the conversation turning south quickly, so he attempted to defuse it with a kiss to the noble’s forehead.

“Okay, I was just making sure we were on the same page. I… I never have. That’s why I was asking,” he confessed. Byakuya reached up to run a hand through Renji’s hair, a soft, understanding smile curving his lips.

“Don’t worry. I’ll guide you along the way. If you will, I would still like you to take the lead,” he requested. Renji nodded, though a bit shakily. “Don’t be nervous. Come here,” Byakuya beckoned him, sliding back on the bed and inviting Renji to more thoroughly cover him with his body. Renji’s arms were burning, not from the exertion of holding himself up, but from the sheer anticipation of what was about to happen. It seemed that his entire soul caught fire when Byakuya pulled him down, toned bodies meeting in euphoric ecstasy.

“You might want to start telling me what to do. I don’t want to ruin this,” he said, his voice pinched as he tried to hold back a moan. He felt Byakuya nod against his shoulder, and then a graceful touch was taking his hand, urging it from its place on the bed and bringing his fingertips to Byakuya’s sinfully soft lips.

“Do as I say, and trust me,” he purred. Renji’s entire body stiffened when Byakuya parted his lips and took two of his fingers in his mouth. The stunning sensation as his tongue swept around them caused pressure to build behind Renji’s eyes, and the Lieutenant almost thought he would black out from sheer pleasure. He coached himself to pull it together. He had to make it further than this. When he looked down to his Captain and saw the impossibly sensual image of black hair surrounding a face in pure, unadulterated abandon, he had to take a deep breath. He couldn’t give in yet. He closed his eyes, trying to temporarily will his mind away from just how close to the edge he already was. “Renji,” a gentle, patient voice reached his ears, and he had to catch himself when his arm threatened to collapse. Never, in so many years serving under Captain Kuchiki, had he heard such overt admiration in his voice. He opened his eyes, and Byakuya smiled to him. The bit of moisture on his lips was too much to ignore, and Renji reached down to kiss him softly, reveling in the gentleness of Byakuya’s mouth.

“What do you need me to do?” Renji whispered when he pulled away, still staying close and pressing his forehead to Byakuya’s. The older man began to direct his hand again, and Renji didn’t resist when he was guided to the man’s entrance. His breath hitched when he realized what exactly was being implied.

“Just one,” Byakuya instructed. Renji obeyed, and he felt Byakuya’s body tighten with the slight intrusion. Byakuya held his breath for a moment, and when he let it go, it came out in a sharp sigh. He hadn’t felt so much unbridled intensity in ages. “Now the other,” he told Renji, who gently obliged. At the increased pressure, he couldn’t control the moan that worked its way up from his throat. If just his lover’s fingers did this to him, he was eager to know what the other part of him did. After another moment, he reached for Renji’s wrist and coaxed it from where his fingers were buried to rest it on the outside of his hip. He knew the younger man would need something to brace himself on when they moved further. “Are you ready?” he asked, already breathless.

“I-I think so,” Renji stuttered. Byakuya saw his blush and reached up to touch his cheek. His other hand ventured downward, tracing rippling muscles and smiling at Renji’s light shiver when his fingers ghosted over his tattoos. Renji gasped, and then moaned when the slight hand curled around his length and positioned it at Byakuya’s entrance.

“Whenever you’re ready, Renji. Slowly,” Byakuya reminded him. Renji paused, focusing on his breathing for a moment to lower himself a bit from the high. Just the sight of Byakuya’s naked form, so vulnerable and ready to receive him, made him ready to plunge off the edge. Once he had steadied his heart, he pressed into the tightness, pausing when Byakuya cringed and gave a light hiss.

“I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?” he asked hurriedly, bracing to pull out. But Byakuya’s hands were immediately on the Lieutenant’s hips, holding him in place.

“No, it’s fine. The pain will subside,” Byakuya promised. Renji nodded, and then lowered himself to take Byakuya’s lips in a kiss that seemed ethereal. He was on the edge of not being able to stand it, between Byakuya’s hands tangling in his hair and the soft, tight warmth that sent wave upon wave of pleasure through him. Fearing that he would harm the smaller man, he was progressing agonizingly slowly.

Byakuya felt himself nearing the peak of his pleasure, the initial sting of Renji’s entry having faded. But he wanted more. He wanted _all_ of this man. So, he wrapped an arm around Renji’s back, pulling him closer. The strong, hard body against him caused a flicker of heat to strike him, and he moaned into the younger man’s mouth. He broke their kiss only for the sake of breathing. With the ridiculous sensations that flooded him, taking short breaths through his nose wasn’t enough. He was actively panting, so close he could practically _see_ the cliff he was about to tumble over. “Deeper,” was the only word he could get out before he acted, and even that was more of a breathy moan than his actual voice. With a swift lowering of his hips, he took the entirety of Renji’s length, and he climaxed intensely, blinding, surreal pleasure rushing him.

With Byakuya’s movement, and the ridiculously erotic moan in his voice, Renji was also sent into a state of delirium. He let loose an involuntary cry as his entire body tensed, and he rode the shockwaves of release. It felt like several minutes in absolute bliss before he was able to even focus, and when he did, he looked down to the man below him. He lowered himself to his elbows, his face only inches from Byakuya’s reddened cheek.

Byakuya was still trying to recover his breath and calm his heart when he felt the ends of Renji’s hair on his cheek. He had turned away to keep from feeling suffocated, and he remained there, his eyes closed as he felt his heartrate returning to normal. Finally, he took a deep breath and raised his eyes to his lover. Without a word, he raised a hand to the back of Renji’s head, burying his fingers in crimson hair before pulling him in to press their foreheads together.

Renji chuckled and tilted his head to kiss Byakuya deeply before looking down to their still connected bodies. With the quick progression after Byakuya’s decision to fully take him in, he had been unsure whether the noble had finished, but seeing the release strewn on both of their abdomens was a relief. For once in his life, he hadn’t screwed up.

Hours later, Renji still couldn’t quite grasp the fact that he had just made love to his Captain, the man he had been pining after for so long. Byakuya was already asleep next to him, covered in a thin yukata. Renji was content just to be there, watching his slow breathing and studying the way his hair fell over his neck. The dimness of the room accentuated Byakuya’s flawless skin, and Renji wanted to touch him. Just to make sure this was real. Instead, he only lay down next to him, staring shamelessly.

“I love you, Byakuya,” he whispered. Though he thought his voice was barely perceptible in the silence, Byakuya’s lips twitched into a small grin. His eyes fluttered open, and he shifted to curl into Renji’s chest, his forehead touching the younger man’s collarbone. Renji was a bit ill at ease, knowing that Byakuya had heard his confession.

“I love you, too, Renji,” Byakuya finally spoke, and the reciprocation caused Renji to chuckle lightly.

“I never thought I’d hear you say that,” he muttered, bringing a hand up to smooth Byakuya’s hair. Though he couldn’t see his captain’s face, he felt the serene spiritual pressure resting around him. It was so uncharacteristic of the stubborn noble, but Renji knew it was genuine. “I never really asked…” Renji began, hesitant to complete his thought.

“What is it?” Byakuya pressed, really just to assure Renji that he hadn’t fallen asleep again.

“Was it good for you?” Renji inquired, his heart pounding in anticipation for the response.

“Absolutely rapturous,” Byakuya replied.

“Wait, does that mean yes?” Renji questioned frantically, looking down to the man cuddled against him. Byakuya’s eyes came up to meet his, and the calm in his expression took Renji’s breath.

“Yes, Renji, it was fantastic. Next time, we will trade roles, if you’d like,” he suggested. Renji didn’t even know what to think. Next time? Did that mean what he thought? He figured there wasn’t really another way to interpret it, but he had to be sure he was hearing what he thought he was hearing.

“You mean, you want to do this again? With me?” he asked, his voice cracking nervously. Byakuya chuckled, and the sound made Renji’s heart skip. He had _never_ heard Byakuya laugh.

“Of course. I am not one to give myself without the intent to stay. Didn’t you hear me? I love you, Renji. Those aren’t just words,” he assured him. Renji gently gathered Byakuya in his arms, holding him against his chest and burying his face in his hair. The essence of sakura invaded his senses, and he took a deep, therapeutic breath.

“I love you, Byakuya. So much. I’ll be with you for as long as you’ll have me.”


	2. Encore

Even remembering that night made chills erupt on Byakuya’s skin. Renji’s hands had been so admiring, trailing over every inch of his skin as though he had waited ages to feel it. Byakuya’s eyes slid shut as he recalled what it felt like when those strong arms were around him, holding him with a combination of reverence and protection that defied all logic.

_I just can’t get over how damn beautiful you are._

Those words had nearly left him breathless, and he found himself smiling at the memory.

“Master Kuchiki,” a voice interrupted his thoughts, and his eyes snapped open, immediately finding the servant at his door. He had retired to his manor that night, craving the solitude and silence that certainly didn’t characterize the Sixth Division quarters. “I apologize, sir,” the intruding man muttered, reading Byakuya’s stern expression with expertise that came with his years in service to the household. He bowed to his master, speaking again before he rose. “I came to offer you tea,” he explained.

“Yes, thank you,” Byakuya accepted with a slight nod. The servant hurried from his place at Byakuya’s bedroom door, wondering what in the world had gotten the master in such a pleasant mood lately. He must have been imagining things, thinking Master Kuchiki was _smiling_ at nothing when he had first looked into the room.

Byakuya rose from where he was seated on the edge of his bed, pacing to open the wide door that gave him a view of the gardens bathed in moonlight.

 _You are becoming restless, master,_ a deep, clear voice rang in his mind. He turned only slightly, sensing his zanpakuto’s spirit. Out of the corner of his eye, he detected the samurai, but quickly turned away to distract his mind with the variety of lush foliage outside.

“That is none of your business,” he snapped quietly. He felt the apparition nearing him, but didn’t entertain him with a response to his movement.

 _Come now, master. I saw what happened, and I felt the calm it brought you in the days following. It has been several weeks. Perhaps you should… indulge with him again,_ Senbonzakura suggested. Byakuya scoffed, determined to keep the façade alive. Of course, he wanted to, and it was quite obvious by Renji’s stolen glances in the office that the Lieutenant certainly hadn’t lost any enthusiasm. But there was one thing holding him back.

“Master Kuchiki, your tea,” the servant had returned, placing the tea tray on a table just outside. Byakuya watched as he poured a cup and then turned to bow to him. The noble gave another curt nod, not moving from his place until he heard the servant leave. Determined not to converse with his prodding zanpakuto, he knelt before the table and took a sip from the steaming cup.

 _I feel your apprehension, master. What is stopping you?_ that dreaded voice invaded his mind again. Senbonzakura stepped to sit next to his master, and though Byakuya couldn’t see his concern under his mask, it was evident in his softening spirit energy.

“Again, that is none of your business,” he insisted. Still, he knew it was a ridiculous, juvenile worry. Perhaps speaking it to someone who truly understood him would take the burden from his shoulders. “If we were to engage again, it would be… Renji’s first time being taken in that manner,” he muttered, masking his voice with his lips hovering over the edge of his tea cup. Several minutes passed in silence, and Byakuya snuck a glimpse at the spirit next to him.

 _I am only trying to fathom why that makes you so anxious,_ Senbonzakura explained his lack of response.

“I am unsure myself,” Byakuya admitted.

 _Perhaps you don’t want to disappoint him,_ the samurai speculated. Byakuya shook his head, lowering the cup back to the table.

“Why would I care so much about something so irrational? It is plain to see that Renji would never be disappointed by our interactions,” he pointed out, just as much to himself as his zanpakuto. Senbonzakura chuckled, bringing steely gray eyes to stare at the side of his mask.

 _You love him,_ was the simple clarification.

“Love is such a complex and vexing emotion,” Byakuya complained, taking his tea back up, draining it, and slamming the cup down.

The next day, Renji realized Byakuya’s distraction. He had become steadily more tense and short-tempered, and the redhead couldn’t help but wonder if something had happened to make him silently take back the words they had spoken that night. There had only been fleeting touches since then. An intentional brush of their hands over a piece of paperwork. Walking closely enough for Byakuya’s shoulder to touch his arm when they were out on errands together. They were things that onlookers would shrug off as a slip, and he expected such subtle things. Still, he had also expected an invitation for more private contact. It had been three weeks, and Renji was losing hope.

“Lieutenant,” Byakuya’s voice called across the office. That was another thing. During the days after their intimacy, the captain had slipped into calling him by his name, and he held back the urge to cringe when his rank echoed through the room more and more often.

“Yes, sir?” he replied, looking up from the paper he had just signed. Byakuya’s hard stare faltered just a bit, but Renji saw the flicker of emotion. He smiled, knowing his captain would never return the gesture with the risk that someone would walk into the office.

“You have made sufficient progress on your work, and it is nearing the end of the work day. You may come with me if you’d like,” he offered. Renji’s eyes widened, and he watched Byakuya stash a few papers in his desk and tidy the clutter that had gathered over the day. He was still staring when the captain rose from his chair and went to the door. “Are you staying?” Byakuya asked. Renji shook his head, hurriedly standing and joining Byakuya at the door. He maintained a neutral expression as they walked, knowing that Byakuya wouldn’t approve of or appreciate if he had a stupid smile plastered on his face at the prospect of being alone with his lover again. Still, he had to vehemently battle against the urge to put his arm around Byakuya’s shoulders, or his waist, or really any part of him. He had been dying to touch him again.

“Where are we going, Captain?” he asked, shoving his hands in his pockets to keep them still.

“To my manor,” the noble replied. Renji’s heart jolted, and his self-control was broken at least a bit when a wide grin curved his lips. He kept his sultry comments to himself as they finished the distance to the Kuchiki household. The places his mind immediately went when he considered how incredibly hot it would be to make love in a mansion weren’t exactly meant for public conversation. He was aptly overwhelmed when they entered Byakuya’s home, his eyes wandering down every corridor they passed. He stayed on Byakuya’s heels as he was led deep into the manor and through a door to a spectacular bedroom.

“Geez, Captain, why do you ever stay in the quarters at the Sixth?” he wondered aloud. Byakuya left him at the door, going to his wardrobe and removing his scarf and haori before turning back to him. He let his smile leak through when he took in Renji’s amazement. The Lieutenant’s mouth was hanging open as he took in the grandeur of the room.

“Some nights, I simply have too much work to do. Wasting the time coming here would be inefficient,” he explained. Renji chuckled and shook his head, meeting Byakuya’s eyes.

“You’ve really gotta stop overworking yourself,” he half-heartedly scolded. Byakuya was taken aback by his tone, but before he could comment on it, the younger man had crossed the room and taken him in his arms, pressing his lips to every inch of exposed skin he could reach, from his forehead to his chin, continuing downward to lightly touch teeth to his neck. Byakuya swallowed a moan, making an attempt to keep his longing under control.

“Renji, please,” he tried to deter him, but his breathy voice only caused a sensual groan to rumble into his skin from Renji’s open mouth. Deciding he would have to be a bit more forceful, he placed his hands on Renji’s shoulders and pushed him back.

“What’s wrong?” Renji inquired, insisting on locking his arms around Byakuya’s waist to keep their bodies pressed together as he regarded his captain.

“The servants will be bringing a meal soon. They are aware that I am having a guest tonight,” he replied. Renji immediately released him, bringing his hand to the back of his neck and averting his eyes.

“Oh. Sorry, I thought--”

“There will be time for that later,” Byakuya assured him, reaching up to cup Renji’s cheek in his palm before pulling him down for a brief kiss. Renji’s smile confirmed his understanding, and Byakuya took his hand, leading him to the back of the room and pulling open the door to the garden. Renji paused, and Byakuya looked up to find him taking in the vibrant colors of the plant life before him.

“Just when I thought this place couldn’t get more ridiculous,” he teased, squeezing Byakuya’s hand and continuing outside. They wandered the stone path through the foliage, and Renji was completely floored at how subtly romantic this all was. He wasn’t complaining, but he was wondering what had possessed Byakuya to go to such lengths. Surely, he wasn’t flaunting his nobility. Renji was already all too aware of the distance that separated their social statuses.

“Master Kuchiki, your meal has been served,” a voice sounded from behind them. Renji whipped around, prepared to snatch his hand away from his superior’s. But Byakuya kept a hold, not flinching in the slightest as he turned to the servant, his impenetrable mask expertly replaced in the presence of another.

“Thank you,” he gave his acknowledgment, severe glare boring into the young man when he dared to glance at their conjoined hands. Sensing his master’s rising spiritual pressure, his eyes darted back up for only a split second before he bowed low and then turned to leave. When Byakuya looked back to Renji, he easily read the complete bafflement as he stared at their hands. “They are but servants. They know better than to utter a single word of what happens in the privacy of this house,” he explained his brazen actions. He led Renji back inside, where delectable scents made the younger man’s mouth water. He effectively stopped himself from drooling, but it was difficult for him to calmly sit before the spread without digging in with no consideration for the man across the table. “You may eat,” Byakuya invited him. Renji looked over the food before him, still hesitant.

“I don’t… I don’t want to be rude, Captain,” he admitted. Byakuya laughed, and deep brown eyes came up to revel in the sight of Byakuya expressing such total amusement, even if it was at his expense.

“I have seen you eat, Renji. Your habits won’t be a shock to me,” Byakuya reminded him. Renji chuckled and nodded, still being a bit more subdued in his enthusiasm as he began to eat. “Also, in my home, I would like for you to call me by my name,” he added, glancing up to Renji’s bright smile.

“Alright, Byakuya,” Renji replied. His admiring tone brought a small grin to Byakuya’s lips, and he continued to watch Renji throughout the meal. His unrefined motions arrested the noble’s attention, and he silently admired how easy it was for Renji to relax. It was still a bit of an effort for him to fully release the discipline that had been ingrained into him, and he envied his subordinate in that regard. When the meal was completed, the servant returned to clear the table, not speaking a word or even looking at either of them. Byakuya was pleased that his earlier threat was clear. He didn’t need prying eyes or gossip spreading among the staff.

“Come,” Byakuya beckoned, rising from his seat and going back to the edge of the garden. The sun had almost set, leaving the clouds painted shades of purple and orange as they hung on the western horizon. He let out a contented hum as now familiar arms embraced him from behind.

Renji pulled Byakuya against him, wrapping him up in a way that made him feel that they had melted into one being. He grasped at Byakuya’s shihakusho, pressing into his back and deeply inhaling the satisfying scent of cherry blossoms as he allowed smooth, dark hair to tickle his nose. His captain turned in his grasp, immediately taking the collar of his shihakusho and crashing into his lips with a bruising kiss. Renji was shocked by the intensity, but smiled into the older man’s mouth and returned his passion, wandering hands discreetly separating the fabric of Byakuya’s shihakusho.

“Wait,” Byakuya spoke into his lips, taking his hands and leading him into the garden. Renji was a bit hesitant, not completely reading the intention in the action.

“Where--” he began to ask, but Byakuya released one of his hands to press his finger to Renji’s lips. The playful smirk curving the captain’s mouth was not only unexpected, but made Renji’s heart race with anticipation. He felt like a giddy teenager with Byakuya pulling him along the path through the dimly lit garden. Suddenly, Byakuya turned on him and swept his foot behind his legs, taking him down onto the ground. He couldn’t hold back a groan as Byakuya lay on top of him and ground his hips into his groin, awakening the desire that coursed through his veins. “We’re really doing this outside?” he asked, incredulous.

Byakuya didn’t answer. He only lowered his face to take Renji’s lips in a kiss that caused fire to build in his gut. His hands acted of their own accord as they wandered beneath the Lieutenant’s shihakusho to study rippling muscles and blindly trace the tattoos that decorated that beautiful body. He felt Renji becoming bolder, both hands holding firm contact on the small of his back, his hips gently tensing with rhythmic movement that only made the noble want more. He pulled back from their kiss and spread his knees to straddle Renji’s waist.

Just the surreal fact that Byakuya actually had his knees rested on the ground on either side of him caused Renji to shudder. He watched as Byakuya freed his hair from the kenseikan and then crouched over him, targeting the soft flesh of his neck as he bestowed gentle kisses onto his tattooed skin. Renji’s muscles tightened, and he allowed a moan to float past his lips. He brought a hand to the back of Byakuya’s head, softly pulling his fingers through silky hair.

“Would you like to abide by my former suggestion?” Byakuya spoke, his warm breath causing chills to rip through Renji’s body.

“W-What suggestion?” Renji gasped. If he was honest, he would have done anything the man asked of him.

“I told you before that we could trade roles,” Byakuya reminded him. The thought of sinking into Renji’s body caused a wave of pleasure to wash over him, and he kissed Renji’s neck one last time before drawing away, sitting up with his hands rested on Renji’s chest, awaiting a response.

“You know, I’ve never--”

“I know, Renji. Let me be your first,” Byakuya whispered gently, one hand moving up to run a light touch along his jawbone. Renji heard his heart pounding in his ears, and he swore the hand that was still rested on his chest could feel it. If he was honest, he was still terrified of doing something wrong. But the tender, encouraging smile on his lover’s lips was enough to spur him forward. With only a nod, he sat up to meet with Byakuya, taking the tie at the noble’s waist and pulling it from its place, allowing him access to the alabaster skin he had been craving for three weeks. He parted the fabric of the shihakusho top and pressed his lips to his captain’s chest, reveling in the feel of smooth, perfect skin against his mouth. Amongst his worship of what was before him, he felt Byakuya reach up and take the band from his hair, allowing it to fall to his shoulders. Thin fingers twined into a sea of crimson, and Renji felt Byakuya’s sensual sigh turn to a groan that reverberated in his chest.

Byakuya gently pulled his hands through Renji’s gloriously smooth hair, then deftly slipped his hands under Renji’s clothing and dragged his fingertips along his sides. He chuckled when he felt Renji’s body tighten, a sharp exhale striking his chest where Renji still explored him. When his hands reached Renji’s waist, he slipped his hands under the hem of his pants, tugging slightly at the fabric as a silent request for access to remove them.

Renji was mindful of every move Byakuya made, much better prepared to handle the absolutely blissful pleasure that coursed through him. Feeling the question, he first decided to finish disrobing his captain, sliding the clothing from atop porcelain skin that just begged to be admired. Lost in the feel of Byakuya’s flawless form under his hands, he ran his touch from his waist up to his shoulders, pulling him in and holding him, pressing his cheek to a prominent collarbone.

“You’re too perfect for me, Byakuya,” he whispered. Byakuya’s hand caught his chin, drawing his eyes up to an ethereal smile surrounded by moonlight. Renji hadn’t even noticed that darkness had fallen, but when he did, Byakuya’s pale skin in the pallid illumination of the moon took his breath. His hair seemed to glow silver in the night, and Renji was only grateful that the man was straddling his lap, elevating him to the proper angle by which the Lieutenant could revere the god that was Byakuya Kuchiki.

“You sell yourself short, Renji,” Byakuya replied in a quiet voice. Before Renji could further flatter him, he took his subordinate’s lips against his, holding back a gasp as the taller man stood, allowing the rest of their clothing to fall. Renji groaned into Byakuya’s lips when their skin made contact, Byakuya’s hips already grinding a gentle rhythm into his thigh. Renji took only a step back to brace against the trunk of a plum tree, slowly lowering himself back to the ground under his captain. Byakuya parted his legs, again taking up a position with his knees on either side of Renji’s hips.

“Sorry to ruin the mood, but you’re going to have to help me some,” Renji said, breathless as he looked up to Byakuya.

“You’re not ruining anything,” Byakuya assured him, reaching down to kiss a flushed cheek. He offered Renji his hand, running it gently along the outline of his lips. Renji took the graceful hand in his protectively, kissing it softly before sliding two lithe fingers into his mouth. Byakuya had to hold down a moan of pleasure that surfaced as a strained grunt. For this to be his first time, Renji certainly was a natural. He reined in his self-control and slowly took back possession of his hand. With a shudder of anticipation, he reached down to his lover’s entrance, probing carefully at the virgin skin before sinking one finger inside.

Renji inhaled harshly, immediately registering the painful sting accompanying the odd sensation of having something inside him. But he trusted Byakuya fully and allowed him to continue. He felt his muscles loosening a bit, preparing for what was to come. When another finger entered, though, and the fullness became a bit uncomfortable, he was unsure whether he could handle more. Still, he was determined to see this through. Byakuya deserved it. He deserved every fiber of his being. As he worked, Byakuya pressed slow kisses to Renji’s neck, working his way from his collarbone to the space below his ear.

“Relax, Renji,” he whispered the reminder in his ear. Renji took a deep breath and allowed himself to truly feel the sensations building within him. It was unfamiliar, but it was also heavenly. Byakuya was relieved to feel that Renji was obeying him, and he slowly removed his hand from its place.

“ _Please,_ take me, Byakuya,” Renji breathed. The emptiness left by the older man’s fingers was begging to be filled. Byakuya’s hips involuntarily lowered and rutted into Renji’s arousal at his words and the absolute desperation in his tone. He took one more look at the captivating man under him before positioning himself at Renji’s entrance.

“This may cause you a bit of pain at first, but I promise it will fade,” he warned. Renji nodded, bracing himself as Byakuya pressed in. A reflexive cry left Renji’s lips, and Byakuya watched his face carefully as he eased into the almost too tight passage. When it contorted into actual agony, and Renji’s body clenched painfully around his hard length, he withdrew. A glisten in the corner of Renji’s eye caught his attention, and he froze. Was that a tear? Byakuya knew Renji. He had seen the man in battle. But, no matter the injuries, he had never seen him cry. “Renji?” he said softly. When Renji shut his eyes tightly and turned his head away, Byakuya’s speculation was proven true. Tears dropped from Renji’s eyes, and Byakuya reached up to gently wipe them away.

Renji flinched back when Byakuya touched his face. He was ashamed. Humiliated. There wasn’t a strong enough word to describe how much he hated himself in that moment. He didn’t even have the capacity to control his own body, and he had _hurt_ the man he loved.

“I’m so sorry. I knew I couldn’t--”

“Renji,” Byakuya tried to interrupt, but Renji continued on in his self-pity.

“I could _never_ be good enough for--”

“ _Renji!_ ” Byakuya raised his voice, snapping harshly enough to at least silence him. “Listen to me,” he instructed. Still, Renji refused to meet his eyes. Byakuya took Renji’s chin in his hand, forcing him to turn to him. “You did nothing wrong,” he promised.

“I hurt you,” Renji argued. Byakuya shook his head, still smiling.

“No, I withdrew because _I_ was hurting _you._ If you don’t want to continue this way, that is fine,” he said. He never broke from his calm, and Renji felt immense relief flood him. “My love for you is not contingent on your ability to perform this way for me. Regardless, I will be with you,” Byakuya added, kissing Renji’s forehead before sitting up. Renji glanced down to their naked bodies and masked a disappointed sigh. Still, he had ruined the night. Neither of them was nearly as aroused as they had been. Byakuya followed his eyes and chuckled. “That should be simple enough to remedy,” he muttered, lowering himself down to Renji and resting on his chest. Just at the skin to skin contact, he felt blood rushing downward, and Renji’s arousal followed suit. Still, to be sure that they were both well prepared, he reached down to wrap his fingers around Renji’s length, letting the Lieutenant’s sharp inhale and subsequent moans fill his mind as he gave a few quick strokes. 

“I… I want to try again,” Renji insisted. Byakuya nodded, releasing him and propping himself up on his elbows. He carefully angled his hips and again invaded Renji’s body. Renji took deep breaths as the hot fullness spread throughout him, and he willed himself to relax. Suddenly, Byakuya pressed his forehead to his, his breathing ragged.

“I love you, Renji,” he whispered, both in a moment of passion and as a gentle reminder that it didn’t matter how this ended. He would love him anyway.

“I love you, too, Byakuya,” Renji replied. Byakuya had been easing inside as he spoke, and the heat surrounding him had him almost losing his mind. The tremors of pleasure that rocked his body were undeniable, and he gave into them willingly.

Renji found himself rocking his hips into Byakuya’s body, the discomfort having morphed into something far past pleasure. The deeper he felt Byakuya plunge into him, the closer he felt to climax. Never in his entire life had he felt something so divine. His entire body tingled as he neared the edge, and his hands acted of their own accord when they latched onto Byakuya’s hips, urging him further.

Byakuya took the cue and slid deeper, letting out a low moan as he was sheathed entirely. It took only a few thrusts to be thrown into the abandon of orgasm, and he buried his hands in Renji’s hair, falling onto his chest as he completely came undone.

Renji felt the spasm of Byakuya’s release, and the rush of warmth was too much. Before he was even prepared, he was tumbling into ecstasy the likes of which he could have never imagined. His hands clenched on Byakuya’s hips, holding him as deeply inside as he could reach as he spilled his passion. He never wanted to come down from this, and he held onto the indescribable bliss for as long as his body allowed. When he felt the heat dissipating, his mind finally back in the Seireitei and not on some cloud in the upper atmosphere, he took a deep, calming breath and wrapped his arms around the man that still lay limp over him.

“Byakuya,” he whispered, bringing tired gray eyes up to him. Renji chuckled at the completely disheveled hair around the noble’s face, and he reached up to smooth it back from his cheek, tucking it behind his ear. “I’m sorry,” he muttered. The words brought Byakuya to smile softly.

“I told you, you did nothing wrong,” he repeated. Renji grunted and sat up, supporting Byakuya as he went. They came disconnected, Renji uttering a barely perceptible grunt with the foreign sensation. He leaned against the tree behind them and looked up to the blossoms that were barely visible in the night. It was still surreal to be holding Byakuya Kuchiki in this way, with the captain huddled in his lap, his head rested on his shoulder, their naked bodies bathed in white moonlight. “Renji, can I ask you something?” Byakuya requested quietly.

“You’re actually asking _my_ permission to do something?” Renji teased. Byakuya’s harsh glare was upon him in an instant, but Renji knew better than to be intimidated. “Ask me whatever you want,” he added. However, his comment only softened Byakuya’s eyes a bit, and he felt that a heavy inquiry was pending.

“Why were you crying?” Byakuya asked. He felt Renji’s arms twitch a bit at the blunt question, and he almost regretted giving in to curiosity. He could have just as easily let it slide and never mentioned it again.

“It was just really overwhelming. It hurt so bad, but I wanted to keep going. And then when you pulled out, I thought I had hurt you. I hated that I couldn’t control myself enough to just let you do it. All my emotions were just all screwed up,” he admitted. Byakuya hated how evasive Renji got when he was nervous, and he knew that spilling something so personal had to be nerve-wrecking. Renji habitually jerked when Byakuya’s hand found his cheek, gently coaxing his eyes down to his lover.

“I want to know your mind just as intimately as your body. Never be ashamed to share your thoughts with me,” Byakuya insisted. He knew Renji was mentally warring with such a concept. It had been so many years, decades even, with neither of them being vulnerable in the other’s presence.

“Then let me ask you something, too,” Renji muttered.

“Of course,” Byakuya allowed.

“Why’d you bring me here? A noble’s house is hardly a place for someone like me,” he voiced the things he had considered upon arriving at the Kuchiki manor. Byakuya felt heat rising to his cheeks, averting his eyes. But Renji didn’t allow him to fully look away, taking his chin and keeping their eyes locked. “Hey, I’m not going to make fun of you or anything. It’s cute when you’re embarrassed. I really didn’t even think it was physically possible for you to blush, but damn, it’s adorable,” he said with a wide smile. Byakuya cursed internally when he felt the color in his cheeks darkening, and his eyes wandered to the tattoos on Renji’s neck, the best distraction he could find at the moment.

“To answer your question, I brought you here because I wanted your first time to be memorable,” he admitted, only adding to the immense humiliation. Breaking down these walls between them was difficult, but Byakuya was intent to stay the course. He would never hide anything from Renji again. Renji’s deep chuckle rumbled in his chest, and Byakuya relaxed back into place against him.

“After how bad I messed up, I don’t think I’ll ever forget,” he said. Though Byakuya heard his smile, he also heard vast regret and insecurity. He brought his steely gaze back up to Renji’s face, tracing his strong jawline with a gentle fingertip.

“Renji, stop demeaning yourself,” he commanded. His stern tone caused Renji to flick his eyes down to him. “No one is perfect, and it still ended beautifully. I’m glad, because I didn’t want your perception of being with me that way to be stained by a bit of inexperience. Now, let’s go inside and get cleaned up,” he concluded, standing from Renji’s lap and loosely draping his clothing over him just until they returned to the bedroom. Renji smiled and shook his head as he followed Byakuya’s lead. That man. The man he always thought would never be open with him, was encouraging him to tackle his insecurities, giving him the gentlest tone and the softest expression. Even in his dreams, he couldn’t fathom his captain looking at him that way.

Later, Renji’s skin was refreshed by softly fragranced soaps and stinging hot water, and afterward he settled into the pillows on Byakuya’s bed. He sank comfortably into the softness and sighed. The vantage point gave him the perfect view of Byakuya still squeezing the water from the ends of his hair, the indigo yukata around him contrasting stunningly with his pale skin.

“So, Byakuya, I have another question,” he called. Byakuya turned, and he almost aborted his request when he saw that the hard mask had returned to give him a harsh glare. “S-Something wrong?” he muttered. Byakuya’s brow furrowed for a moment before he realized what had caught Renji off-guard. He then let go of his control with a light chuckle.

“I apologize. Habit takes over,” he admitted. After draping his towel over the rack near the bathroom door, he crossed to join Renji in bed. He lay down and propped on his elbow to face the Lieutenant. “What was your question?” he pressed, reaching out to run his fingers along the jagged lines on Renji’s neck.

“Why did you care if my first time was memorable? I mean, that seems a little cheesy, don’t you think?” he accused. Byakuya shot him a genuine scowl and dropped his admiring touch from Renji’s tattoos. Renji laughed and leaned in to touch his forehead to his lover’s. “I mean that in the most respectful way possible,” he insisted, pressing a kiss to Byakuya’s unaccepting lips. “Oh, come on. Will you at least answer the question?” he pleaded. Byakuya sighed and turned to lie on his back, his eyes studying the wood grain of the ceiling.

“Because my first experience was not,” he muttered. Renji’s eyes widened at the confession, and he instantly regretted poking fun at him.

“What… what do you mean? If you don’t mind telling me,” he said gently, dropping his teasing smile in favor of sympathetic concern. Byakuya’s eyes slid shut, and he shuddered at the vague memory that surfaced at mention of it.

“It wasn’t horrific, if that’s what you’re imagining. It was just… bland. An experiment in my youth that taunted me for a long time. I don’t even remember the man’s name. We were together three times, and then I stopped seeing him. It was against the clan’s laws, and I feared my grandfather’s wrath if he were to find out. No one ever did, but that only somewhat relieved the stress of the situation. I had allowed a carnal desire to control me to the point of unthinkingly engaging in the most ultimate form of intimacy with someone I had no feelings for. I’ve buried it, just like everything else in my life, but when you told me you had never been with a man, I was determined to make it better than what I had been given,” he exposed one of his most haunting memories. Renji’s silence was unnerving, and he eventually turned to look at him again. To his surprise, he was staring at him, the oddest combination of admiration and worry in his eyes.

“I guess we all have a past,” he whispered, tenderly burying his hand in Byakuya’s hair and pulling him over to press his lips to his captain’s forehead.

“That we do,” Byakuya spoke quietly, reveling in the calm that resulted from Renji’s acceptance. “But I will never forget your name, Renji Abarai. Not only have you served me well in the Sixth Division, but you have brought unbelievable peace to my heart,” he added, closing his eyes to truly experience the way Renji’s untamable energy wrapped him up in a warm blanket of unconditional compassion.

“Let’s get some sleep, Byakuya,” Renji suggested, pulling away only to tilt Byakuya’s chin up with the tips of his fingers, engaging in a deep, soothing kiss that lingered for longer than he intended. Byakuya took in a deep breath before separating from him, giving him a gentle smile before shifting to rest his head on Renji’s shoulder.

“Yes, let’s get some sleep. Good night, Renji. I love you,” he said, feeling the words rise up from a part of his heart he hardly knew existed anymore.

“Good night, Byakuya. I love you, too,” Renji replied, bending to kiss the top of the noble’s head. Byakuya smiled and fell asleep to the comforting feeling of Renji’s fingers running through his still damp hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, that's all, folks! I really hope you've enjoyed my first lemon. I'd love to hear from you! Leave a comment, a kudo, whatever tickles your fancy. Perhaps we'll meet again, in another story. :)


	3. Something New

Weekends with Byakuya became the highlight of Renji’s week. Really, his _life_. They had agreed upon the convenience of Renji staying with him at the Kuchiki Manor when the work week had concluded, and it was behind those doors that they were able to let down all the facades and professionalism and just be together.

“Hey, Byakuya,” Renji said thoughtfully one evening. He was lying across the massive bed, at least massive compared to the one in his tiny quarters at the Sixth, hands locked behind his head as he watched Byakuya finally taking off his accessories. It was an arduous process, and Renji hid a laugh at how incredibly precise Byakuya was about it all. He would run his hands through his hair meticulously after removing his kenseikan, being sure that every strand was in the proper place before proceeding to take off his tekko, which he lay perfectly flat in a drawer of his wardrobe. Renji swore it took the man an hour just to get down to his shihakusho.

“Yes, Renji?” Byakuya replied, eyes flicking to the Lieutenant’s reflection in the mirror before him. He paused, his heart skipping and his hand clenching around the fabric of his haori, which he had just begun to take off. It didn’t matter how many times he saw it. The image of Renji lying on his bed, complete calm in his eyes and his hair loose around his face, made a jolt run through his veins.

“We’ve been together a while, huh?” Renji continued with his inquiry, completely unaware of the effect his mere presence had on his captain. Byakuya nodded, completing the task of folding and putting away his haori before turning.

“Seventy-two days,” Byakuya stated plainly. Renji couldn’t stop the spluttering laugh that bombarded him, sitting up and staring at Byakuya, still unable to control his amusement.

“Not that… not that anyone’s keeping count… right?” he attempted to say through his mirth.

“Excuse me for keeping track of important events in my life,” Byakuya shot back. Renji, still chuckling a bit, sat up and wiped the moisture from his eyes.

“You know, if I had known you were such a romantic, I probably would’ve made a move on you years ago,” he teased. Byakuya only shook his head, not showing Renji the smile that tugged at the corner of his lips as he turned toward the bathroom. Though he still had control in the office, and even in his home when Renji wasn’t present, his body knew that this was an exceptional time in his life. He didn’t hesitate to smile, laugh, and tease behind closed doors with his lover. For the first time in countless decades, Byakuya was _happy_.

“I’m going to shower. Would you like to join me?” he threw the question over his shoulder, and he chuckled when he heard Renji scrambling from the bed, behind him in a moment. Brazen hands were already undressing him, pulling the collar of his shihakusho over his shoulders. Eager lips followed, kissing up Byakuya’s shoulder blade to his neck. Renji froze when he met the severe glare of his captain.

“What? Wait, did you mean _actually_ shower?” he asked, heart pounding harshly. Yes, it had been seventy-two days since the first night they were together, but Renji was still scared to death that this dream was going to end. Every time Byakuya looked at him like that, cold mask firmly in place, he wanted to fall at the man’s feet and beg for forgiveness for whatever he had done to cause it.

“Can you _be_ a mature adult, Renji?” Byakuya teased, allowing a grin to touch his mouth. Renji let out a laugh that was more like a relieved sigh, immensely glad that the noble wasn’t actually upset.

“Nah, not really. You should know that by now,” he replied, wrapping his arms around Byakuya’s waist and taking in a deep breath of sakura. “But, really, I’m not gonna stop you from just taking a shower. Don’t blame me if I have a boner the whole time, though,” he warned playfully. Byakuya tensed as he felt the aforementioned bulge in Renji’s pants, immediately shoving an elbow into the Lieutenant’s ribs and breaking free of his grasp to stomp into the bathroom.

“ _Gods,_ Renji, control yourself,” he grumbled, flustered beyond reason. Renji’s open speech and actions while in his presence were welcome, but at the same time they were much less refined than what he was accustomed to. Sure, he had tackled the younger man to the ground in the garden the second time they were together, but that was as far as his friskiness could reach. Clearly, he didn’t have the imagination Renji did. Suddenly, just as he was untucking the top of his shihakusho, familiar hands were upon him again, this time much more careful.

“Was that out of line?” Renji whispered in his ear, holding his waist loosely. Byakuya smiled when Renji pressed an apologetic kiss to his cheek.

“No, just unexpected,” he replied quietly. Standing before the vanity mirror, the captain had a view he wasn’t often granted. His eyes wandered their reflection, and baffling emotion flooded him when he saw the unadulterated admiration in everything Renji did.

Renji tentatively wrapped his arms around Byakuya’s waist, leaning around him to study the side of his face. The man was absolutely perfect in every way. He brought one hand up to sweep the hair away from his cheek, tucking it behind his ear. It took him a bit to realize what held the noble’s attention, but he grinned when he realized that he was watching his actions in the mirror. Renji gave it another moment, bending to kiss the side of Byakuya’s neck before gently turning his focus with only one fingertip pressed to his jawbone.

“You like what you see?” he asked when soft gray eyes met his. He relished the fact that he could feel Byakuya’s breath on his lips. This kind of closeness would never get old.

“I never realized… how much you actually admire me,” Byakuya admitted. Renji chuckled.

“You know I think you’re the most gorgeous creature I’ve ever set eyes on,” he said, his smile never fading.

“But there’s something else, isn’t there? I’ve seen surface infatuation, but very rarely have I seen what I see in you,” he pried, trying to get to the root of Renji’s feelings for him. It wasn’t just the chance to be with him physically, though obviously that was an attractive perk to the redhead. The way Renji looked at him was familiar, as if from some distant, dream-like part of his memories. It reminded him of…

“Of course it’s more than that. I love you, Byakuya. I mean, come on, do you really think weekends would be enough if I was just in it for the sex? I’d be knocking on your door every night if that’s all I wanted. But I respect you, so I wait for you to tell me it’s okay,” Renji interrupted his thoughts with the most heartfelt words he had ever heard come out of the brash man’s mouth.

“I suppose,” Byakuya mused. He shook his head to clear his thoughts and finished undressing, not meeting Renji’s eyes as he watched him.

“Hey, you okay?” Renji asked. He stared at Byakuya’s back as he stood outside the shower, waiting for the water to warm. The dazed expression he wore was concerning, and when there was no response, he stepped to him and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. He flinched back when Byakuya turned on him, the most distraught creases in his brow.

“I’m fine, Renji. Are you going to join me or not?” he demanded. Renji knew he wasn’t angry, but he had no idea what was going on in the noble’s head.

“Yeah, I will,” he replied. Byakuya didn’t even merit the response with a nod, instead turning to step into the steamy flow of water. Renji undressed, though his enthusiasm had dampened quite a bit. He stood near the door for a moment, his heart fluttering relentlessly as he watched water flow down Byakuya’s back, forming rivulets along the muscles of his thighs before pooling slightly at his feet. He bit his lip to keep his immediate arousal under control, knowing that it wouldn’t be well received under the circumstances. With a heavy sigh, he took the few steps to his lover, still unnerved that he was just standing there under the spray, not having moved an inch. Hand trembling, he reached out to touch his shoulder. There was a slight slump in Byakuya’s posture, and when the captain looked back, Renji’s eyes widened. Never had he seen such immense sadness in those deep slate eyes. It even seemed like they were holding back tears. At that point, it didn’t matter what was wrong. He pulled Byakuya into his arms, holding his dripping body against him with strength that mirrored his regret.

“Renji--”

“Don’t say anything. I don’t know what I did, but I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he muttered, his voice just above the splash of the water on the tile. He didn’t even care that the shower was plastering his hair to his face, or that Byakuya hadn’t returned his embrace.

Byakuya rested his cheek on Renji’s shoulder, his throat tight with the urge to cry. He hadn’t cried in ages. It would probably provide some relief, but he swallowed the lump of emotion and wrapped his arms around Renji. Renji’s hand came up to hold the back of his head, and Byakuya was only more tempted to fall apart. After what felt like hours in each other’s arms under the stinging water, the captain shifted to look up to his subordinate.

“It wasn’t you. I’ll be fine,” he whispered, not even sure he could be heard. He raised a hand to push the soaked hair from Renji’s face and reached up to kiss him deeply, his arm stringing around his neck and pulling him closer. Byakuya smiled into the contact when he felt the growing arousal between them. He was taken aback when Renji was the one to break the kiss, still seeming concerned and apologetic.

“Sorry, I get it if you don’t want to--”

“No, I do,” Byakuya interrupted. A wide grin finally broke on Renji’s lips, and he hoisted his lover into his arms. Byakuya was forced to latch his legs around Renji’s waist to keep steady, and he hardly had time to register what was happening before he was carried to the back half of the massive shower and gently set down on the bench that lined the wall. “What--”

“I’m going to do something for you, and I know you’re going to love it,” Renji gave a sparse explanation. Byakuya watched as Renji turned a knob to activate the rainfall showerheads above them. His desire only built to an almost unbearable level when Renji lifted his face to revel in the feel of the water for a moment and smoothed his hair back from his face. Between the water flowing down Renji’s chest, the rippling muscles under his jagged tattoos, and the absolute contentment on his face, Byakuya was having a hard time staying put. He was glad when Renji returned his attention to him, giving him a smirk in response to the lovesick stare. “Okay, here’s how this is going to work,” Renji began, stepping to stand in front of his captain. He bent to place his hands on Byakuya’s knees, looking him in the eyes as he spoke. “You’re going to sit right there, and I’m going to be right here,” he clarified, lowering himself to his knees and running his hands up toned, porcelain thighs.

“I’m not sure I understand,” Byakuya admitted, his voice catching in his throat as Renji moved his hands to the inner parts of his thighs.

“Do you trust me? It kinda takes away the sexiness of it all if I have to explain it,” the redhead complained.

“I think that’s a given at this point,” Byakuya said, exasperated by the suspense of what was about to happen. But Renji just looked up to him, waiting to hear an actual answer. “Yes, I trust you. Continue,” he added. He smiled when Renji’s lips curved into a feral grin before returning his attention to what was in front of him.

Assuming the captain’s confusion was a result of his inexperience, he began slowly, easing Byakuya into the idea of what he was doing. One hand wandered higher, a light touch moving along his lover’s stimulated flesh before taking hold of it. He felt Byakuya’s muscles tense and began a slow rhythm that had Byakuya clutching the bench, already panting heavily. Renji chuckled, eager to see how his usually poised captain was going to react to what was coming next. He shifted closer, settled between Byakuya’s legs, and lowered his mouth to the hardened length that was still in his hand. Keeping in mind to proceed cautiously, he parted his lips to only bring the tip into his mouth.

“Oh, gods, Renji, are you serious?” Byakuya groaned, one hand roughly grasping the Lieutenant’s shoulder. Misunderstanding his enthusiasm, Renji pulled back, eyes jerking up to fully judge his reaction. “Don’t _stop_ , you idiot,” Byakuya growled, frustration clear in his tensed jawline.

“Sorry, I thought--”

“No, I apologize. I seem to have lost my composure,” Byakuya said, shaking his head.

“Hey, that’s okay. Maybe you should do it more often. It’s kinda sexy,” Renji teased with a wink. Byakuya only chuckled, sliding his hand from Renji’s shoulder to the back of his neck, gently easing him back into position. With renewed enthusiasm, Renji dove in further, and Byakuya had lost enough control that a long, low moan left his lips without his consent. The feel of a wet, smooth tongue sliding over such sensitive skin made his entire body tingle. He threw his head back to lean it against the tile wall behind him and buried his hand in Renji’s hair, trying to fight the urge to thrust into that glorious mouth. That self-control lasted no time at all, and after only a few more seconds of Renji’s ministrations, his tongue flicked past a particularly sensitive area that had Byakuya’s hips tensing of their own accord.

“Renji, do you want me to… I’m close,” he barely made out the sentence around the heat that spread in his veins. Renji gave a hum of approval that made Byakuya tremble with the sensation, his fingers tightening around handfuls of hair as he gave in to the spasms that overtook his body. The gentle suction of Renji swallowing his release only intensified what was already an ethereal amount of pleasure, and he sank into the bench when the aftershocks finally drained him. He flinched a bit as Renji pulled away, overly sensitive after such an intense climax.

“Feel better now?” Renji asked as he came to sit next to Byakuya on the bench. He ran his hands through his hair, smoothing it under the gentle patter of the water before turning to his lover. He laughed when he saw that Byakuya was facing him, his cheek pressed to the cool tile and a dreamy smile on his face. “I’ll take that as a yes,” he muttered, leaning over to press his lips to Byakuya’s for a moment. The softness of his mouth made Renji smile. He could never stop loving the moments when all of the stoic man’s barriers crumbled.

“I want to do that to you,” Byakuya requested quietly. Renji’s eyes widened in response, and he felt his already intense desire throb painfully.

“Are you sure? I mean, I’m not going to say no,” he stumbled over his response, and Byakuya smiled gently.

“I’m sure. I want you to feel what I felt,” he insisted. He slid closer to Renji on the bench, their hips touching. Smile never leaving his lips, he ducked his head under Renji’s jawbone to trail light kisses down to his chest. A graceful shift had him lowering to the floor, hands exploring Renji’s legs with an eager touch that ran from his knees, over the toned muscles of this thighs, up to his hipbones, thumbs pressing into the curve between his hips and his thighs, a place he knew drove the younger man wild.

Renji groaned loudly and pressed his back into the wall, already well enough aroused that he was unsure how long he was going to last when the beautiful man between his legs put his mouth on him. He gave a small yelp when he felt Byakuya’s tongue testing the experience, just barely grazing the side of his throbbing member.

“Byakuya, please, I’m not going to last much longer,” he warned. Byakuya immediately shifted to put his mouth around Renji’s need, and Renji bucked underneath him, an erotic moan sneaking past his lips. The overwhelming heat that burst through his skin had his hands blindly finding Byakuya’s hair and latching on for dear life. He had his head angled up, eyes closed against the water that dropped onto his face. He didn’t dare watch. He would have already come undone if he did. Even the images his mind conjured were almost too much. Just another slight movement as Byakuya slid a bit lower made him see stars. “I’m gonna lose it,” he growled, trying his best to hold back until he had his lover’s approval.

Byakuya hesitated for only a moment, but hummed into Renji’s skin for affirmation. It was mere seconds before his mouth was flooded with warmth, but he was too late initiating a swallowing motion, causing a harsh cough to surface instead. He grasped Renji’s knees for support as he lowered his face, milky fluid splashing to the shower floor.

“Hey, Byakuya, you okay?” he heard Renji’s concern as he moved his hands from within his hair to his shoulders.

“Ren--” but he couldn’t even complete his name before the liquid in his throat strangled him again, bringing forth another fit of wet coughing.

“Geez, was it gross?” Renji teased, kneading one of his shoulders gently. Byakuya shook his head, only then looking up as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

“No, I… I choked. I apologize. I’ve never done that before, so I didn’t know what to expect,” he admitted. Renji chuckled and leaned down to level his eyes with Byakuya’s.

“You’re probably lying to make me feel better. Let’s see,” he purred, nearing him to lick a bit of excess from his chin. Byakuya jerked back.

“ _Renji!_ ” he scolded, his cheeks flushing with the action.

“Nah, I taste pretty damn good. Must just be your delicate, noble throat,” Renji assessed, running his fingertips from Byakuya’s chin to his collarbone. Byakuya gave him a half-hearted glare and stood from where he was kneeling on the floor. Not giving the Lieutenant another glance, he began to rinse himself off. Renji watched for a moment, a ridiculous grin in place when he saw the blush on Byakuya’s cheeks. He would never want to offend him. In fact, he still held his captain in the highest esteem, but teasing him was another case. Just seeing that flustered, insincere frustration was worth it.

Renji sighed comfortably as he settled into the plush mattress he always missed during the work week. He was unperturbed as he heard Byakuya still fussing with his hair in the bathroom. It took Byakuya longer to do everything pertaining to his appearance, and it brought Renji a bit of amusement. The man was naturally gorgeous, so all the extra effort seemed unnecessary, but he never did comment on it. He let out another contented sigh when Byakuya slid into bed behind him, burying his face in a mane of crimson hair.

Byakuya snuck an arm around Renji’s waist, finding his hand on the bed and taking it in his. Still, those memories from before stuck with him, and he tightened his hold on Renji’s hand as they bombarded him with their bittersweet haze. He slipped his hand out of Renji’s grasp for only a moment, turning to reach into a drawer of his bedside table.

Renji didn’t have time to turn before Byakuya’s hands returned, the noble sitting up to take his wrist. Curious but not questioning, he watched as Byakuya clasped a simple silver bracelet, looking at it for a moment before bringing Renji’s hand to his lips and kissing the back of it.

“What’s this?” Renji asked, turning his hand to investigate the accessory when Byakuya released him. He rolled to lie on his back, allowing him to see the glassiness in Byakuya’s eyes. Immediately concerned, he sat up next to his captain, bringing a gentle hand to his cheek. Byakuya closed his eyes and leaned into the contact, the motion causing his tears to drop and collide with Renji’s fingers.

“I told myself I wouldn’t cry,” he whispered, but speaking only broke his resolve, and he leaned into Renji, letting his emotion spill into broken sobs.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Renji muttered, pulling Byakuya closer and wrapping him safely in his arms. “You can cry in front of me all you want. You don’t even have to tell me why. I’m here for you,” he assured him. Hearing the sincerity in the words, Byakuya let down every wall he ever built and allowed every tear to fall. Every tear he had been holding back for so many decades. Every bit of despair, regret, loss, and unrequited love. He felt Renji’s arms tighten around him, one hand slowly moving up and down his back. It was the first time in his entire life that he had felt loved. Cherished. Protected. Not protected from danger, because he knew Renji was aware of his physical strength, but protected from the prying eyes and judgmental souls that would say that the head of the Kuchiki Clan was weak to be falling apart the way he was. Finally, his tears ran dry, but he didn’t want to shatter the peace that had fallen between them. It was baffling to him that someone such as Renji, a fiery, determined man with volatility to spare, could make him feel like this. With a deep breath, he gathered the strength to look up from where he had huddled into Renji’s chest.

“That bracelet is mine. I want you to keep it as a token of my love for you,” he explained, still unable to meet Renji’s eyes.

“Thanks, but… why did it upset you so much?” Renji asked cautiously. He knew the fragile state Byakuya was in, but he didn’t want secrets between them, especially secrets that so severely hurt the man he loved. Byakuya took a deep, steadying breath and settled with his cheek against Renji’s shoulder.

“I am going to speak of this only once,” he began. He felt Renji nod, but still took a moment to continue. “When you looked at me the way you did earlier, with so much unbridled love and admiration, it reminded me… it reminded me of the way I used to look at Hisana,” he confessed, pressing his forehead into Renji’s neck to avoid eye contact. Renji said nothing, so he continued. “I loved her so much, but she always kept her distance. Her obsession was not with me, but with finding her sister. I didn’t let her know how much it tore me apart that she never returned the depth of my affections for her. But when she passed away, and she admitted that she had never truly loved me, it was like my heart had been ripped from my chest, trampled, and then put back in place,” he paused again to wipe the steady stream of tears from his cheeks.

“Bya--”

“Let me finish,” he cut off Renji’s interruption. “If you love me as much as I loved Hisana, I don’t want to ever lose you, Renji. I have _never_ felt the way I do right now with anyone. That bracelet is to tell you that I would like to commit my life to you,” he concluded. A trembling hand found his chin, gently pulling his gaze up to meet Renji’s.

“Are you asking me what I think you’re asking me?” he breathed. His heart was pounding so loudly he swore it would break through his ribs. Byakuya offered him a light smile.

“I want to marry you, Renji,” he said more plainly.

“What about the clan--”

“Clan laws be damned. I can’t miss out on this,” Byakuya insisted forcefully. Renji couldn’t stop the wide smile that spread on his lips as he tightened his arms around Byakuya again, his grasp both desperate and immensely joyful.

“Of course. Yes. I would be an idiot to say no,” he spoke into Byakuya’s ear. He proceeded to press soft kisses to his lover’s cheek and neck before speaking again. “I love you more than you could ever imagine, Byakuya Kuchiki,” he whispered. Byakuya smiled, holding onto those words like a lifeline.

“And I love you, Renji. I don’t want there to be another day of my life that I don’t hear you say that at least once,” he replied. Renji laughed and leaned back to look into those deep smoky eyes he so adored.

“There never will be. I’ll be here every moment I can be,” Renji swore. Byakuya took a deep, cleansing breath as he wrapped his arms around Renji’s shoulders. He could have stayed there, in Renji’s deeply affectionate grasp, for the rest of his life and he would have never felt like he missed out on anything.

Renji held Byakuya against him, in total disbelief. This man would be his, forever. He had taken a chance, seventy-two days ago, and it had paid off in the best way he could have ever imagined. Silently, he swore to himself that he would _never_ let his precious Byakuya feel unloved again. As long as he lived, he would tell him and show him in every possible way that he loved him, and he would never, ever stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I thought the last chapter was going to be it. This really is the end this time, I promise! Hope you enjoyed!


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